Evan Brown

LAKE MICHIGAN CATHOLIC  – As the year draws close, Seniors far and wide are in a panic. What is the cause of their distress, you may very well ask? Well, I’ll tell you. They forgot to plan their graduation party OR they planned it and it is going to be incredibly boring.

Unfortunately, theses poor fools make one terrible mistake. They didn’t utilize a party planners greatest weapon: me.  

I, Evan “#1 Party Boy” Brown, am a master party planner and not only that, but I specialize in graduation parties. But due to the huge failure in the grad parties of late, I have decided to give away my tricks of the trade. So let’s get into it.

In order to plan the perfect Grad party, you must adopt the mindset of the guest. The key is making the party-goer happy. So why does a person go to a grad party? Now, If you’re thinking, “They must go to celebrate me and my achievements and wish me luck in my next step toward adult life and independence.”

Sorry, but you’re wrong. People go to grad parties for three reasons.

#1: To eat

#2: To socialize

#2: To look for their long lost son Tom.

What you need to do is combine these three things and make your guests the happiest they’ve ever been. You must make a human shaped version of their long lost son out of delicious Guacamole, that way they’ll be able to eat, talk to a new friend, and (in a way) discover their son again.

One of the most important elements in a grad party is the decorations. If your decorations are bland everyone will hate you forever and you’ll have no friends and you’ll die alone.

One fun way to decorate is to pick a theme. For example, your theme could be police investigations. You could put crime scene tape all over and put up wanted posters for a tall dark one armed man known for kidnapping people named Tom.

Another key tip is to keep your guests on their toes. So many grad parties are just carbon copies of each other. The key to spice your party up is changing the location in the last second. Some options for new locations are your guests home, the fiery infernos of Hell, and Chuck E Cheese’s. If you choose one of these locations your party will sure be a hit and guests will have a blast or you will be at Chuck E Cheese’s, which is a very easy place to lose your children.

Always remember, the most important part of planning a grad party is to not invite your racist uncle Benny because he might say he got you a present, but the present is really being pushed into a pool because he thinks you are an irresponsible father when really you were just trying your best under the circumstances. I hate that guy.

Now you know all the tips and tricks on how to plan the perfect grad party; I wish you luck and see you at the dog track. I am going to dry off and go back to finding my missing son Tom.