Abe Susman

LAKE MICHIGAN SADOLIC – This week Lake Michigan Catholic, underwent a mild, almost meaningless event that would not have even been noticed, if it weren’t for one student’s deep seated distaste for nearly all human companionship.

The Laker Current’s own Evan “Sad Boy” Brown has, “plunged deep into a pool of grief due to a fellow student, Seth Collins, suddenly departing from this ‘world’.” Those were his words not mine.

It’s worth mentioning that Collins is not dead nor has he gone away. In fact, he still takes three classes at LMC, two of which he shares with young master Brown.

The classic duo, Evan “a very sad boy” Brown and Seth “David” Collins, was tragically torn apart due to Seth’s departure from his fifth hour class, Journalism.

Joseph Schmidt, journalism teacher and human person, had words on this issue.

“Evan uses Seth as a crutch. I think he’ll be fine in the long run. He’ll see what he’s been missing by giving all his attention to Seth. It will be good for him and force him to really expand both his intellect and humor.”

When asked to comment on Mr. Schmidt’s statement, Evan responded,


This remark was followed by gentle sobs and repeated listens of Hello, by Lionel Richie.

Collins and Brown were often seen looking longingly into each other eyes and skipping through the fields together, so the grief detailed above is a surprise to no one.

Seth has taken a vow of silence until the journalism class accepts him back into their lives; little does he know that we, the united people of room 229, will never again let him into our hearts, we will never allow a traitor into our midst, and we will ensure that our organisation remains safe and secure. He has betrayed the journalism code and thus is banished for life. Vive la Periodismo!