Evan Brown

LAKE MICHIGAN CATHOLIC – It’s been a hot topic for decades. Countless philosophers, politicians, and dentists have debated it relentlessly. The issue: fluoride in water. This article: not about that. Should you eat a bus? That’s a good question. Let’s get into it.

To answer that question we must first define a bus. A bus, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is, “a large motor vehicle carrying passengers by road, typically one serving the public on a fixed route and for a fare.” However, Oxford is in England and English people call the trunk of a car, the boot. How weird is that? Surely, they cannot be trusted.

At this point in the article, you are probably thinking, “Why should I eat a bus? Thus far, this article has given no reasons on why I should eat a bus!” And I agree wholeheartedly.

One reason you should eat a bus is because it’s healthy. Health experts agree that food, high in carbs, sugar, and cocaine, are often harmful to your body. Most busses contain none of that unhealthy stuff. Busses: 1 Cocaine: 0.

Busses are very tasty, however, taste is subjective. Therefore, there are no words I could use to prove to you that busses are definitely yummy and you will definitely love that good good bus flavor. The only way you could know for certain that the taste of a bus is good, would be to try one for yourself.

Now, based on the fact that you clicked on this article, you are at least someone curious about this whole bus eating fad. I would also like to mention that the only opinion you currently have is based in an experience you do not currently have. Therefore, you should eat a bus because it is definitively the only course of action.    

If you eat a bus, you become the bus. As the ancient Incan prophecy states, if you devour a the bus you then become the bus. So, let’s do a quick pros and cons list on becoming a bus.

Cons: smelly people ride the bus, buses can’t wear Mickey Mouse pants, no hands, no shoes, no shirt, no service, you can’t go through the McDonald’s drive through, all busses are named Kevin and Kevin is just a worse version of Evan..

Pros: you are a bus, you can go real fast, headlights are surprisingly useful, you can’t go through the McDonald’s drive through, hit movie Speed starring actor by technicality, Keanu Reeves, was set on a bus, spaghetti.

In summary, eat a bus.