TOP TEN MOVIES COMING OUT THIS YEAR

(the following opinions are that of the article author and do not in any way reflect the opinions of Lake Michigan Catholic High School, The Laker Current, or its staff)

TOP TEN MOVIES COMING OUT THIS YEAR

Evan Brown

Movies, you know them, you love them. One of my favorite things about movies is they exist. Don’t believe me? Really? You don’t believe me? That’s a weird belief to have, but to each thier own, I guess. Regardless of your bizarre belief, movies do exist and here is a list of ten of them that are coming out at some point.  So you better watch these movies. Or else. Hooray. Also, If you stick around at the end, there’s a surprise.

 

10: Bright

Bright is a Netflix original movie directed by David Ayer. Set in a world where fantasy meets current day earth, Bright follows a human cop who is forced to work with an orc to track down an incredibly dangerous weapon. There are a lot of things that peak my interest in this movie. The screenplay is written by Max Landis, whose track record is excellent, spanning from Chronicle, to BBC’s Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency. Landis is one of the best and most interesting young screenwriters working today and a project with him attached almost always excites me.  Another thing Bright has going for it is the freedom that Netflix gives toward its originals. Not being produced by a major studio can be very beneficial to an interesting and different project like this.

That being said, I have two concerns going into this film. The first is that David Ayer’s previous film is absolute garbage and every copy should be burned. Suicide Squad is a horrible, terrible, mess of a film and I would rather take swimming lessons from Danny Devito than watch a second of it again. It is bad and anyone who likes it can fight me. COUNTERPOINT: Aside from Suicide Squad, Ayer’s other movies are fine, I guess. And Max Landis specifically wrote the script with Ayer in mind, so it will probably be at least okay. I just really hate Suicide Squad. I hate it with a burning passion.

The second thing is that I am still very upset that in Will Smith’s 1999 film, Wild Wild West, Smith’s character lived in a massive water tower that was filled with water. And it was never explained. Why did he live there? If you are Will Smith, please contact me

 

9: All the Money in the World

This movie looks pretty good. It has Kevin Spacey in it. He’s a good actor. Mark Wahlberg is also in it, and he is less of a good actor. But Ridley Scott is directing it and Alien is pretty good. Anyways, the trailer looks pretty good. Anybody see The Martian? It was fine. Matt Damon is a charming fellow. He is very handsome. Anyway, It looks pretty good. Go see it if you want, or don’t. It’s a free country

 

8: The Square

The Square is a Swedish satirical dramedy about modern art, moral courage, and the uncertainty of life. It also has a man who acts like a monkey, so it literally cannot be a bad movie. Fact: Monkey’s are pure comedic gold. If a film has a monkey it cannot possibly be a bad movie. I digress. The Square is directed and written by Ruben Östlund who has made some other movies. I haven’t seen any of them. The main reason this makes the list is that it looks bonkers, and I love bonkers movies. There are not enough of them.

 

7: Last Flag Flying

Steve Carell, Brian Cranston, Laurence Fishburne, a car, a cat, not Mel Gibson, all these things and more are in this movie; probably, I haven’t seen it. I’ve only seen the trailer. Richard Linklater is a master of slice of life dramas. From Boyhood to the Before Trilogy Linklater never fails to deliver an image of the beautiful simplicity of life through his poignant dialogue and interesting characters.

 

6: The Demon’s Monkey

This film fascinates me. Directed by rookie director Henry J. Johnston, this remake of the classic 1964 film of the same name, has been a long time coming. It has been stuck in development hell for years and finally Producer N. Night Shyamalan has brought it back. With the diverse cast including Michael Shannon, William Jackson Harper, Eugene Cordero, and Ali Wong, the dark comedy really shines through. There isn’t much I can say about this movie without spoiling it, but I cannot wait to see it.

 

5: Thor: Ragnarok

Thor is fine. Thor 2: The Second Thor is boring and terrible. The only reason this makes the list is because of it’s director. Taika Waititi has never worked on a project I haven’t enjoyed. If you haven’t seen Hunt for the Wilderpeople do yourself a favour and watch it. It is hilarious, touching, and beautiful.  I’m sick of by the book, forgettable, Marvel movies that blend together like a boring, generic smoothy of uninteresting villains. So when I discovered Marvel had hired Waititi I jumped for joy. I didn’t really jump for joy. That was a lie. I’m not some kind of jumping nerd. Yuck.

I firmly believe that with the singular, interesting, vision of a talented director (and Jeff Goldblum), Marvel can break it’s boring streak. I guarantee that this movie will be amazing and if everyone on this earth doesn’t love it, I will look like a real idiot. And everyone has permission to mock me mercilessly. Actually, it might be bad. Who’s to say? Any of these movies could be bad. Ultimately, this list is meaningless. Movies don’t really matter anyways. Why are you even reading this? Life is short. Go run in a stream! Embrace life! Carpe Diem!

 

4: 78/52 Hitchcock’s Shower Scene

Psycho is an amazing film that forever changed filmmaking and the world around it. How did it do this? I have no idea. But when watch this documentary, I will know. And that’s what all this is about.

I understand that I am one of three people in the school who is even remotely interested in this movie, however I don’t care. This article is pretty much just for me anyway. I really want to see this.

 

3: Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri tells the story of the people of Ebbing who struggle in the wake of a murder of a young girl. Mildred Hayes, the mother of the girl, decides to put up three billboards to ridicule the sheriff for not making an arrest. Written and Directed by Martin McDonagh whose previous work has shown that he is a master of dark and twisted comedy. His 2012 film, Seven Psychopaths is a great example of this. Three Billboards reunites McDonagh with Sam Rockwell and Woody Harrelson. The movie also includes Francis McDormand, Peter Dinklage, and Abby Cornish. Overall, it is definitely a movie.

 

2: Shape of Water

Guillermo del Toro has brought such works as Hellboy and Pacific Rim to the screen, but his True masterpiece is Pan’s Labyrinth. His singular vision and creative are a winning combination. In today’s studio run film industry, bland film reign supreme. Surprise. (See, I told you there would be a surprise) That is why I am so ready to sit down and watch a fantasy thriller with an all star cast and groundbreaking special effects.

 

Now, I am doing honorable mentions in 6 words or less, here we go:

Downsizing: Looks Real Dumb. Tiny Matt Damon.

The Current War: Actors with Mustaches. Electricity. Eh.  

The Last Jedi: Star Wars. You’ll see it. Whatever.

Molly’s Game: Aaron Sorkin. Beautiful people. Money. Hooray.

 

1: Boo 2: A Medea Halloween

What can I say about this film except it will be true perfection. Tyler Perry never fails to bring smart, sassy comedy to the screen, Boo 2: A Medea Halloween will certainly be a masterpiece of filmmaking. I will see it 36 times in the theater, and then I will never watch another movie again. Tyler Perry’s Boo 2: A Medea Halloween will be so good. No one will ever make a movie again, because they know that nothing will ever even compare to the masterpiece that is Boo 2: A Medea Halloween.