Seth Collins

YOUR SCHOOL – On Wednesday, October 11th, Lake Michigan Catholic students and teachers alike noticed a significant change in the media bay in the form of a brilliantly crafted bed.

The cot was resourceful constructed from seven office chairs, a cozy blanket and an unopened roll of paper towels. It is the beautiful brain child of one Seth Collins, with some help from another student.

For many years, (the two that he has attended this school) Master Sir Dr. Collins has struggled greatly with the general atmosphere of Mrs. Whitfield’s media bay, where he spends the majority of his day. From the harsh lighting to the weird smell of death that hits you like a 50 pound medicine ball that was thrown at you by an angry silver-back gorilla, as you walk through the door, Seth and other students have deemed it an unpleasant living situation.

This caused Seth to search desperately for any opportunity he could find to improve the aesthetic of this area. Which ultimately lead to the genius invention about which this article is written.

He did not achieve this entirely on his own.  His creativity was largely aided by his first hour classmate, aspiring taxidermist Mary Ellen Nuter, who says,

“I came into the classroom and I saw Seth working on what looked to be a futon. Upon testing it and discovering that it was brutally uncomfortable and just too small, I decided to redesign it into a master bed. I did all the work. I even made the pillow and adjusted the seats.  Seth slept.  Seth didn’t help.  Seth is the worst.”

I tell ya, Kids say the darndest things, right?  What a gooferoon.  

Throughout the day, student were raving about Seth’s creation. One such student, Zachary Rogers, gave his ingenuity the highest of praise.


With this shining ray of hope illuminating the otherwise shadowy angst-filled lives of these high schoolers, one would be tempted to believe that all was jolly in the halls of LMC. The very next day, however, the wondrous comfort had mysteriously disappeared and their lives had returned to the usual depressing state.  

Though some seemed to accepts their return to mediocrity without complaint or question, Seth was unwilling to resign himself to fate just yet. Determined to get to the bottom of this travesty, he began to investigate.

Who could have committed this heinous crime?  What was their motive?  Was it a personal deed or just some agent of chaos spreading misery without discrimination?

It was Seth. Seth did it. I was trying to set up this whole “who done it” thing. It was me. I did it. I am Seth. I’m writing this article about myself. Seth, it was Seth (me).